The Internment

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Still confined without your slightest presence,
Restrained enchained but still I breathe the same,
Alone in this shady sordid existence,
I still believe someday you will reclaim.

In this mesh of darkness and filth,
My heart aches for nothing but life,
I make strides but still by stealth,
I blame you for the sinful strife.

You loved me devoid of pretence and flam,
You kissed me and desensitized ever,
But now I know, it was all sham,
Hatred is now stronger than my ardour.

The walls are inked with countless scrapes of dreams,
The cage echoes with my inward screams.




This is my first ever attempt to write a sonnet. Let me know if I have made any mistake or disappointed you. So, I insist you to comment on this telling how it was, good or bad, or just okay-okay.

I wrote this poem for a competition but unfortunately I didn't get much votes to enter the contest. Anyways, your comments will do the same. Good day everyone. Happy reading :)

Comments

  1. First attempt and a score of 100,really while reading I never felt that it is your first sonnet.
    And I insist you carry on writing such wonderful sonnet.... Way to Go..Good Luck.. :-)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, I have planned to write sonnets now on :)

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  2. very nycly written
    http://eyeswantstosee.blogspot.com/
    http://hindustanisakhisaheli.blogspot.com/

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  3. Its so heart touchy and the pain can be felt while reading those lines ... its a good composition and well executed ...
    something similar to this post, i wrote on caged dreams, do check it out :
    http://readersheaven.org/2013/06/19/trapped-in-a-cage/

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the appreciation. I'll surely check your post out :)

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  4. Great read and yes go ahead with Sonnets as you have a good flow.

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  5. enjoyed reading it .. nice one :)

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  6. Oooohhh....a hint of dark....u are really good when it comes to poems

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    Replies
    1. Ohh! Thanks a lot, never thought this poem will turn out to be everyone's favourite :)

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  7. Pretty well written, Nice read .

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  8. "The walls are inked with countless scrapes of dreams" - This line is strong. And the verb - excellent choice. I'm sending you an email.

    ReplyDelete

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