The Internment
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| Source |
Still confined without your
slightest presence,
Restrained enchained but
still I breathe the same,
Alone in this shady sordid
existence,
I still believe someday you
will reclaim.
In this mesh of darkness and
filth,
My heart aches for nothing
but life,
I make strides but still by
stealth,
I blame you for the sinful
strife.
You loved me devoid of
pretence and flam,
You kissed me and
desensitized ever,
But now I know, it was all
sham,
Hatred is now stronger than
my ardour.
The walls are inked with
countless scrapes of dreams,
The cage echoes with my
inward screams.
This is my first ever attempt to write a sonnet. Let me know if I have made any mistake or disappointed you. So, I insist you to comment on this telling how it was, good or bad, or just okay-okay.
I wrote this poem for a competition but unfortunately I didn't get much votes to enter the contest. Anyways, your comments will do the same. Good day everyone. Happy reading :)
First attempt and a score of 100,really while reading I never felt that it is your first sonnet.
ReplyDeleteAnd I insist you carry on writing such wonderful sonnet.... Way to Go..Good Luck.. :-)
Thank you so much, I have planned to write sonnets now on :)
DeleteEnjoyed reading
ReplyDeletevery nycly written
ReplyDeletehttp://eyeswantstosee.blogspot.com/
http://hindustanisakhisaheli.blogspot.com/
Thanks ya :)
DeleteIts so heart touchy and the pain can be felt while reading those lines ... its a good composition and well executed ...
ReplyDeletesomething similar to this post, i wrote on caged dreams, do check it out :
http://readersheaven.org/2013/06/19/trapped-in-a-cage/
Thanks for the appreciation. I'll surely check your post out :)
DeleteGreat read and yes go ahead with Sonnets as you have a good flow.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sir!
Deletenice read
ReplyDeletetouching...
ReplyDeleteThanks Simran :)
DeleteNice one......
ReplyDeleteThanks Debopam :)
Deleteenjoyed reading it .. nice one :)
ReplyDeleteAnkur, thanks a lot :)
DeleteOooohhh....a hint of dark....u are really good when it comes to poems
ReplyDeleteOhh! Thanks a lot, never thought this poem will turn out to be everyone's favourite :)
DeletePretty well written, Nice read .
ReplyDelete"The walls are inked with countless scrapes of dreams" - This line is strong. And the verb - excellent choice. I'm sending you an email.
ReplyDelete